Why Men Don’t Ask for Help (And What We Can Do About It)
- WPA Therapy
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
June is Men’s Mental Health month, a time for us to reflect on the mental health needs and struggles of men. Of course, people of all genders struggle with mental health issues, but Men’s Mental Health Month is a time to highlight that many men struggle silently with anxiety, depression, stress, grief, and loneliness.
In the US, male suicide rates are 4 times higher than that of women. Men are less likely to seek mental health treatment, less likely to talk about their emotional distress, and less likely to admit they need help. In fact, 60% of male suicides are by men with no documented mental health issue, meaning that they were never in the mental health system at all before dying by suicide.
These numbers paint a sobering picture, and raise an important question: why do so many men struggle to ask for help? It isn’t because men don’t suffer or struggle. Rather, it’s because for many of them, difficulties in asking for help go far beyond individual choice.
Why Men Don’t Ask for Help
There’s no one individual reason that men don’t ask for help. It’s usually a combination of factors that can build on each other over time.
Masculinity norms and socialization: From an early age, many boys get a clear message: showing emotions equals weakness. They hear messages like “boys don’t cry” and “man up” and internalize those with the understanding that asking for help means something is wrong with them. As adults, this can make it difficult to identify emotions, express vulnerability, or reach out when support would help.
Stigma around mental health: Mental health stigma impacts everyone, but it can be especially damaging for men when given the patterns described above. Admitting to feelings of depression or anxiety doesn’t feel like recognizing a true illness: it feels like a failure. This isn’t a personal flaw of individual men, but the product of years of conditioning and socialization.
Mental illness shows up differently for men: When men experience mental health issues, their symptoms can look very different than they do for others. Men’s mental health struggles are more likely to show up as irritability, anger, restlessness, or increased substance use rather than sadness or tearfulness. If your experience doesn't match what you've been told depression looks like, it's easy to assume you're just stressed or burned out, not that you might need support.
These barriers make it harder for men to ask for help, but complicating things even further is that many men lack close relationships where it feels possible to ask for help.
Men’s Relationships and Mental Health
Research shows that even when they have close friends, men are significantly less likely than women to turn to friends for emotional support. Male friendships are often built around shared activities, not shared feelings. That's still a meaningful connection, but it doesn't always leave room for harder conversations.
Many men name their romantic partner as their primary confidant and emotional support. That places a significant amount of weight on one relationship. It also means that when those relationships end or are strained, men can find themselves with nowhere to turn.
This creates a difficult situation. Men often can't clearly identify that they need help, and even when they feel capable of asking, they may not have anyone they can ask. Loneliness and isolation are significant risk factors for mental health decline. For men already hesitant to reach out, that isolation can quietly make things worse.
Therapy can provide another space where men can talk openly, especially if they don't currently have strong sources of emotional support elsewhere.
What We Can Do to Support Men’s Mental Health
Supporting men's mental health doesn't require a clinical background or a perfect script. Instead, small, consistent actions matter.
Talk about mental health like it's normal
The more mental health is part of everyday conversation, the less weight it carries when someone actually needs to bring it up. Sharing your own experiences, where it feels right, can help to reduce mental health stigma.
Normalize the topic before there's a crisis
Check in on someone’s mental health by asking specific questions. Vague check-ins are easy to deflect. Something more specific, like "You've seemed a little off lately, I just wanted to check in," is harder to dismiss. It also signals that you're actually paying attention to patterns of behavior, not just asking how someone is doing out of habit.
Take the pressure off the conversation
Many men open up more easily when a conversation isn't face to face. Settings like driving somewhere together, taking a walk, or watching a game can make it easier to talk about something real. You don't have to sit someone down to let them know you're there.
Talk about therapy like it's ordinary
One of the most effective things people can do is normalize the idea that therapy isn't just for crisis situations. Going to therapy can be maintenance, personal development, or it can be something you do because you want to understand yourself better or handle stress more effectively. The less charged the language around therapy, the easier it is for someone to consider it.
Consider your language
Phrases like "man up" or "boys don't cry” may seem small, but they can have a big impact over time. The messages boys and men receive about emotion and vulnerability shape how they handle struggle for the rest of their lives. It's worth paying attention to the language used around young boys especially, and replacing those phrases with ones that make room for a fuller range of human experience.
If you're a man reading this, you don't have to be at a breaking point to reach out for support. Recognizing that you might benefit from help isn't a sign that something is deeply wrong. It's a sign that you're paying attention.
How to Find a Men’s Therapist
Working with a men's therapist means working with someone who understands the specific pressures that shape how men experience and express distress. A good men's therapist will meet you where you are, whether that means building emotional language for the first time, working through anxiety or grief, or just figuring out what support looks like for you.
At Westmoreland Psychotherapy Associates, our therapists work with men navigating exactly these challenges. Many men wait until they're overwhelmed before seeking support. Therapy doesn't have to be a last resort. It can be a place to better understand what's happening, develop healthier coping strategies, and build the support you need before things reach a crisis point.
